Mental Illness is much more complicated than any pill that any mortal could invent- Elizabeth Wurtzel
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, about 6.7% of U.S. adults experience major depressive disorder each year. Signs and symptoms vary from person to person and can occur at fluctuating degrees.
While I’ve struggled with anxiety most of my life, depression is something new to me. In early November, I was sitting at my desk at work, a normal evening. I was speaking on the phone and suddenly it was as if my brain stopped working. I was trying to say the word “green,” but I couldn’t remember how to. I panicked, and when I finished that phone call went outside and cried. I had been feeling overwhelmed and empty for a few weeks prior. I left work early that night, and when I woke up the next morning broke down crying. Currently, I still have not returned to work.
The symptoms of my depression have been at times hard to cope with. My energy level is consistently hovering around 10 percent of what it once was. As low as my energy level is, I have the hardest time trying to fall asleep at night, suffering from insomnia. When I do usually end up falling asleep, sometime between 4-6am, I wake every few hours but end up sleeping my day away trying to make up for the sleep I’ve missed the night before.
My entire body aches for no reason and I cannot find a comfortable position. For weeks I lived on my couch, not even able to drag myself the thirty feet to my bedroom. My appetite is nonexistent and I’ve started to lose weight. While I’m more than willing to shed a few pounds, I know this isn’t the way to do it.
Perhaps through my entire journey to date, the most heartbreaking symptom I’ve experienced is the extreme sense of guilt and worthlessness. Our family is always on a tight budget and since I have been out of work now for nearly two months, we have struggled more than ever. While deep down inside I know what is happening to me is not my fault, I still suffer from guilt that everything is my fault. I feel worthless because of my lack of energy, some days I can’t even bring myself to do the dishes in the sink.
Depression plays tricks on your mind. I can be sitting in front of the television, watching something funny and start to sob out of the blue. I can feel fine for a few hours or even days before breaking down and feeling hopeless. I feel like people look at me and think that I am making it up, that no one can switch from happy to sad that quickly. Are people really thinking that? If they are thinking that, what can I do to change their perception? What resources are out there for people struggling with Mental Illness? While it’s a battle I will have to continue to fight, having a great support system behind me including family and friends has been a tremendous help in pushing through.
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, about 6.7% of U.S. adults experience major depressive disorder each year. Signs and symptoms vary from person to person and can occur at fluctuating degrees.
While I’ve struggled with anxiety most of my life, depression is something new to me. In early November, I was sitting at my desk at work, a normal evening. I was speaking on the phone and suddenly it was as if my brain stopped working. I was trying to say the word “green,” but I couldn’t remember how to. I panicked, and when I finished that phone call went outside and cried. I had been feeling overwhelmed and empty for a few weeks prior. I left work early that night, and when I woke up the next morning broke down crying. Currently, I still have not returned to work.
The symptoms of my depression have been at times hard to cope with. My energy level is consistently hovering around 10 percent of what it once was. As low as my energy level is, I have the hardest time trying to fall asleep at night, suffering from insomnia. When I do usually end up falling asleep, sometime between 4-6am, I wake every few hours but end up sleeping my day away trying to make up for the sleep I’ve missed the night before.
My entire body aches for no reason and I cannot find a comfortable position. For weeks I lived on my couch, not even able to drag myself the thirty feet to my bedroom. My appetite is nonexistent and I’ve started to lose weight. While I’m more than willing to shed a few pounds, I know this isn’t the way to do it.
Perhaps through my entire journey to date, the most heartbreaking symptom I’ve experienced is the extreme sense of guilt and worthlessness. Our family is always on a tight budget and since I have been out of work now for nearly two months, we have struggled more than ever. While deep down inside I know what is happening to me is not my fault, I still suffer from guilt that everything is my fault. I feel worthless because of my lack of energy, some days I can’t even bring myself to do the dishes in the sink.
Depression plays tricks on your mind. I can be sitting in front of the television, watching something funny and start to sob out of the blue. I can feel fine for a few hours or even days before breaking down and feeling hopeless. I feel like people look at me and think that I am making it up, that no one can switch from happy to sad that quickly. Are people really thinking that? If they are thinking that, what can I do to change their perception? What resources are out there for people struggling with Mental Illness? While it’s a battle I will have to continue to fight, having a great support system behind me including family and friends has been a tremendous help in pushing through.