Today was a good day. Not great, but so much better than yesterday. I felt good and many times throughout the day I actually laughed and smiled. What amazes me about mental illness is the absolute extreme of highs and lows I can face not only on a day by day basis, but a minute by minute basis. It is hard to believe that yesterday I could not bring myself to stop crying and to get myself out of a ball on the couch and today I was able to have a successful trip to the grocery store, ate a full solid meal, and didn’t sleep all afternoon. In fact, even only getting about six hours of sleep last night, I almost feel rested.
I think that the ups and downs of depression are one of the most frustrating parts of battling this disease. Most people that know me well will tell you that I like to be in control of the situations happening around me, and with depression, I have not be able to do so for some time. I’m learning that I can’t control everything, but still, not being to control my own thoughts aggravates me beyond belief.
It also scares me to not know how I am going to wake up feeling each morning. I’m also scared that when I’m in a good mood, I’ll never know how long it will last for. I know worrying about my mood is not a healthy thing to do and is in fact feeding into my anxiety and depression. All I can do is continue to reassure myself that when I am having a bad day, that it will not last forever and to try to stay as positive as possible.
Here is hoping for more positive days ahead.
I think that the ups and downs of depression are one of the most frustrating parts of battling this disease. Most people that know me well will tell you that I like to be in control of the situations happening around me, and with depression, I have not be able to do so for some time. I’m learning that I can’t control everything, but still, not being to control my own thoughts aggravates me beyond belief.
It also scares me to not know how I am going to wake up feeling each morning. I’m also scared that when I’m in a good mood, I’ll never know how long it will last for. I know worrying about my mood is not a healthy thing to do and is in fact feeding into my anxiety and depression. All I can do is continue to reassure myself that when I am having a bad day, that it will not last forever and to try to stay as positive as possible.
Here is hoping for more positive days ahead.