I’ve taken a few days off from writing as I was really focusing on myself. I was trying to get out more, to have more fun, and to spend time with the people who matter to me most. I know now that I need to keep writing on as much as a daily basis as I can, because it really does seem to help.
I’ve had so many emotions over the last few days. Great moments where I was laughing, but more frequent were the times I was crying. As I’ve spent time going over my life and what is best for me, I’ve come to the heartbreaking conclusion that some of those closet to me, are in fact, the most toxic to me.
To me, a toxic friend is someone who continually stresses you out, is only there when it is convenient for them, and is someone who drains you emotionally. My best friend, I’ve come to find, is one of the most toxic people I know in the sense of my recovery.
When I first got sick (I still hate using that term), she was there for me on an almost daily basis. She was the first person who would text me in the morning to see how I was feeling and was the last person to check in on me before I went to sleep. She came over frequently, urged me to get out of the house, and just sat with me when I needed someone’s shoulder to cry on.
As I’ve gone through these ups and downs, I’ve noticed that she is always distracted when she visits with me, often spending the majority of her time on her phone. The phone calls and text messages have dwindled, and she no longer pushes me to try to get out on my depression. Because of my constant mood swings, she has nicknamed me “Whiplash.”
I hate to call her toxic to me, because she is my best friend. The one person I used to go to for anything, and in all truthfulness maybe I am the toxic one. I know that I am constantly back and forth, happy and sad, but after everything that I have been through with her (family health scares, car accidents, exploring theme parks together) I’ve now come to resent her. I get angry at her for no reason; I get angry when I need her most and she won’t cancel a lunch reservation with her friend to come sit with me when I am in uncontrollably sobbing. She has moved on from the friendship we once had, and I know it is time for me to do the same.
It makes me more upset than almost anything I’ve ever been through. To lose someone that was so close for so long. However, looking back, I guess she hasn’t been that close in a long time. I miss her already. Maybe one day down the line we will be able to reconnect, but for the time being, I need to keep the negativity and toxicity away while I am trying to focus on getting myself back to the happy and smiling person I used to be.
I’ve had so many emotions over the last few days. Great moments where I was laughing, but more frequent were the times I was crying. As I’ve spent time going over my life and what is best for me, I’ve come to the heartbreaking conclusion that some of those closet to me, are in fact, the most toxic to me.
To me, a toxic friend is someone who continually stresses you out, is only there when it is convenient for them, and is someone who drains you emotionally. My best friend, I’ve come to find, is one of the most toxic people I know in the sense of my recovery.
When I first got sick (I still hate using that term), she was there for me on an almost daily basis. She was the first person who would text me in the morning to see how I was feeling and was the last person to check in on me before I went to sleep. She came over frequently, urged me to get out of the house, and just sat with me when I needed someone’s shoulder to cry on.
As I’ve gone through these ups and downs, I’ve noticed that she is always distracted when she visits with me, often spending the majority of her time on her phone. The phone calls and text messages have dwindled, and she no longer pushes me to try to get out on my depression. Because of my constant mood swings, she has nicknamed me “Whiplash.”
I hate to call her toxic to me, because she is my best friend. The one person I used to go to for anything, and in all truthfulness maybe I am the toxic one. I know that I am constantly back and forth, happy and sad, but after everything that I have been through with her (family health scares, car accidents, exploring theme parks together) I’ve now come to resent her. I get angry at her for no reason; I get angry when I need her most and she won’t cancel a lunch reservation with her friend to come sit with me when I am in uncontrollably sobbing. She has moved on from the friendship we once had, and I know it is time for me to do the same.
It makes me more upset than almost anything I’ve ever been through. To lose someone that was so close for so long. However, looking back, I guess she hasn’t been that close in a long time. I miss her already. Maybe one day down the line we will be able to reconnect, but for the time being, I need to keep the negativity and toxicity away while I am trying to focus on getting myself back to the happy and smiling person I used to be.